Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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