dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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