u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
