he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize