the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
