U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
