he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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