i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
