They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
COCAINE IS GR8
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
