so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
