hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
