It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
