why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
