i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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