I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
