your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
