you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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