Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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