Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
