Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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