He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
