Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
