drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
