i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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