Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
