It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
