Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
