I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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