I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
