i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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