im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
