I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
