would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i will never coherently bang her
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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