By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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