90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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