Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
