When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
