Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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