the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
