It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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