It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
