I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
