don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
