I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
