oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
