You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
