Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
