Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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