And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
