somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
