Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
