Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
