We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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