Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I came so hard my ears popped.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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