can u get pink eye on your cock?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
