he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
