I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
