Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
