I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hippo gnu deer
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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