so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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