you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize