What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
