Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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