why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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